The Ultimate Loaner

I put the vehicle in gear and pressed my foot down on the accelerator. The turbocharger whistled as the engine rumbled. I maneuvered slowly around several other cars on the dealership lot to make my way to the exit and onto the road. As I rolled toward the freeway, I suddenly started laughing, hysterically.

So began my weekend in the ultimate loaner vehicle-- the HUMMER H1 Alpha.

As most people know, I love just about anything and everything associated with the HUMMER brand name. So, when I found out earlier this week that I would be driving some of my colleagues through Downtown Columbia in an H1 for the annual Carolina Carillon Christmas Parade, I could hardly contain myself.

I remember the first year we rode in the Christmas parade. The dealership sent a beautiful light blue metallic H1 to the station to pick us up. It was so cool. But compared to the equally beautiful maroon metallic H1 Alpha, that first one pales. The exterior is the same. But inside, there is a world of difference. The H1 Alpha has heated leather seats, a fantastic stereo system with 6-disc CD changer, multiple cup holders. All the luxuries we've come to expect in our personal vehicles. But the biggest difference is under the hood. Gone is the loud, clunky, 6.5 L, 205 hp/440 lb/ft, turbo charged diesel engine, replaced by the much more quiet 6.6 L, 300 hp/520 lb/ft, Duramax Turbodiesel engine. The smooth, powerful engine accelerates the 7200 pound truck quickly and gives it great towing capacity. The H1 Alpha can pull more than 9000 pounds! I'd love to have the Duramax engine in my H2, not for the additional towing capacity-- which I would probably never use-- but for the additional fuel economy.

Enough of the serious motor talk. Just look at this truck! It's huge. It's clunky. It's 110% military metal. It's not a practical street vehicle. But it's hella fun to drive. It turns heads. I got a serious kick out of the reactions people had as they saw it roll by. Whether they were seeing me on the highway, rolling down Two Notch Road, or in my neighborhood, this truck grabbed attention. I took the parade crew to get coffee at Starbucks in Five Points and little kids were checking out the H1 in its parking spot. Yes-- it does fit in a normal parking spot! And, it also fits nicely in my driveway.

The H1 Alpha is as cool as cool gets in terms of 4X4 vehicles. But to really enjoy it, you need a gazillion acres in Montana or South Dakota-- like Ted Turner or Tom Brokaw-- where you can truly put it to the test. You also need the $130,000 to buy it in the first place and roughly $125 each time you need to fill up the tanks, one main and one auxiliary. If you can handle those two small details, the H1 Alpha just might match good sex on your list of most enjoyable things. It truly is "like nothing else."

Darn! Now, I have to take it back. Thanks to Columbiana HUMMER for allowing me to keep the truck for a few days!

Oh, Good Evening!