Pro Football is Back!!!!!!

It's NFL Kickoff Weekend and I could not be happier! It's been a rough seven months since Super Bowl XL ended on February 5th. I was cool through the conclusion of the NBA Playoffs, but baseball is not my sport so I've been like a crack addict in rehab with no pigskin action to watch.

Now that the season is underway, I need to pass along a few ground rules:

1. DO NOT call me on Sundays after 1pm ET. I will either be watching football or I will be at a football game. Either way, I DO NOT WISH TO BE DISTURBED!
2. DO NOT text message me on Sundays after 1pm ET. I will either be watching football or I will be at a football game. Either way, I DO NOT WISH TO BE DISTURBED!
3. If you invite me to your home on Sunday afternoon and you are not watching football my response will be, "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!?!"
4. DO NOT talk negatively about the Detroit Lions to me. I don't care that the team hasn't had a winning season in forever, hasn't been to the playoffs in forever, and has never been to-- let alone won-- a Super Bowl. Detroit is MY team. If you can't say anything nice to me about the Lions, don't say anything at all.
5. Did I mention DO NOT call me on Sundays after 1pm ET?
6. Always remember-- NFL Sunday Ticket from DirecTV is the BOMB!
7. If you have any control over the weather, keep thunderstorms away from my house on Sunday afternoons. Heavy rain messes up my DirecTV reception.
8. If I call you and say I have tickets to a game and invite you to go with me, just say YES and join me. I don't want to hear about how you don't like football, crowds, or drunken fans.
9. If you are buying me a gift during football season, there is no need to call and ask me what I would like. Just get me something from the Detroit Lions line! (A jersey, t-shirt, team hat, season tickets, etc.) If it's got a leaping lion on it, I won't be disappointed and you won't have your feelings hurt.
10. Did I mention DO NOT call me on Sundays after 1pm ET? Oh, well I forgot to mention that this rule applies to any day with scheduled NFL action.

Remember, these rules are in effect thru the conclusion of Super Bowl XLI on February 4, 2007. The penalty for violating any of these rules is automatic humiliation by verbal lashing.

GO LIONS!

Oh, Good Evening!